Who Am I Without

Pasadena Convention Center Civic Auditorium

This was my first commissioning since 2008 where I was not working.  I was not a point person to any group.  I was not running around rehearsing groups or coordinating events for this annual weekend that hosts thousands of people.

Instead, I just rehearsed and sang with the Western Territory Staff Songsters as an unassuming member.  Not in charge.  Just a member.  

As a mom, it was nice not to have the stress that I would have had if I had been working, but it was.... well, different.... not being an "important" person and not being in charge of an event.

Whether I am a stay at home mom or an "important" working professional that people turn to, my value as a human does not change.  Silvie Paladino, the AMAZING guest vocalist of the weekend shared a story of when she had to do a minor surgery on her vocal chords.  As a vocalist who has sung all her life and whose voice directly effects her livelihood and sense of being, it must have been absolutely terrifying to face the possibility of loosing the thing that made her who she is.

She asked herself, "Who am I without my voice?"  But she found comfort in knowing that she is the child of a King of Kings and that she's in his hands.

This story stuck with me this weekend.  By all means, I CHOSE to be a stay a home mom.  I didn't have to undergo surgery, but I could identify with the line "Who am I without .... ?"

Who am I without others coming to me for help?  Who am I without the authority to impact a group of people?  (Who says I can't do this now?!)

I just have a little baby I have to keep out of drawers, keep clean, and feed upon demand.  

It's not the most glamorous scenario, but this is a season of my life I will cherish and I want to enjoy.  While there are many others who can do what I did in the office, I am the only mom that Ezzy will have.  

Even without my old job, I can still be a dreamer, a voice for the voiceless, an encourager, a joybringer, a wife, a mom and yes, a child and image bearer of the King.