Who Am I Without

Pasadena Convention Center Civic Auditorium

This was my first Commissioning - an giant event of Salvationists - where I was not working as the Territorial Creative Arts Director.  I was not a point person to any group this time.  I was not running around rehearsing groups or coordinating events this time.

Instead, I just rehearsed and sang with the Western Territory Staff Songsters as an unassuming member.  Not in charge.  Just a member.  

As a mom, it was nice not to have the stress that I would have had if I had been working, but it was.... well, different.... not being an "important" person and not being in charge of an event.

Whether I am a stay at home mom or an "important" working professional that people turn to, my value as a human does not change.  Silvie Paladino, the AMAZING guest vocalist of the weekend shared a story of when she had to do a minor surgery on her vocal chords.  As a vocalist who has sung all her life and whose voice directly effects her livelihood and sense of being, it must have been absolutely terrifying to face the possibility of loosing the thing that made her who she is.

She asked herself, "Who am I without my voice?"  But she found comfort in knowing that she is the child of a King of Kings and that she's in his hands.

This story stuck with me this weekend.  By all means, I CHOSE to be a stay a home mom.  I didn't have to undergo surgery, but I could identify with the line "Who am I without .... ?"

Who am I without others coming to me for help?  Who am I without the authority to impact a group of people?  (Who says I can't do this now?!)

I just have a little baby I have to keep out of drawers, keep clean, and feed upon demand.  

It's not the most glamorous scenario, but this is a season of my life I will cherish and I want to enjoy.  While there are many others who can do what I did in the office, I am the only mom that Ezzy will have.  

Even without my old job, I can still be a dreamer, a voice for the voiceless, an encourager, a joybringer, a wife, a mom and yes, a child and image bearer of the King.

Simple Yet Meaningful

"I want to live a life that's simple yet meaningful."  

This was written in my high school yearbook's random quotes section by an anonymous classmate.  Maybe I still remember it after all these years because this is how I've always wanted to live my life.

Simple: For me, this means living a life that's not dictated by materialistic desires to keep up with the Jonses or Pinterest.  As someone who appreciates art, craftsmanship and beauty, simplicity turns out to be a balancing act.  Simplicity doesn't have to be drab nor does beauty have to equal excessive luxury.  A large part of it has to do with my heart.  Where are my treasures?  Is there room in my life for the things that matter?

Meaningful: I think we find meaning when we connect with other people and live in community.  Only Connect.  I want to serve and walk alongside others, from my own family to people in completely different cultural categories, as they experience their full creative and created potential.  Learning, growing & building memories together.  Doing life together.  Working through the mess together.